fear not, for I am with you,
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.
– Isaiah 41:10
It’s easy to fall into traps, especially those of fear. I’ve always been a worrier, maybe I learned it, maybe I’m just prone to it. Well I’ve been worrying a lot lately, been very scared lately. Why? Because God opened up some very big doors in my life.
I found out I could graduate this next semester if I dropped my dual. Grad school was almost a guarantee with scholarships. I have a solid internship with a possible job offer after graduation. A possibility of my mother’s house becoming mine as she heads home, after I finish grad school. My current boyfriend is about to apply to police academies, and will take the job and prolong his final semester of school if he gets an offer.
Things are opening up… Big things. I think that’s what’s so scary. At first I was really excited. Then a few weeks later worry started creeping in, and for a while I was in full panic mode.
Why? because what if my boyfriend and I break up? What if I’m being crazy, what if I don’t get a job offer, what if, what if, what if.
Today (after lots of prayer, don’t forget that) realized something. God gave me these opportunities, I need to trust Him. I may not end up with my current boyfriend, I may not end up with the job I think I want. But that’s because there is something else. I need to put my faith in God, His will not mine.
I ask God for things all the time, but yet fail to put my trust in Him when he comes to ask me to do things. How can I become a Saint and ask for great responsibility, if I can’t even begin to trust Him?
After you have made a decision that is pleasing to God, the devil may try to make you have second thoughts. Intensify your prayer time, meditation, and good deeds. For if satan’s temptations merely cause you to increase your efforts to grow in holiness, he’ll have an incentive to leave you alone.
– St. Ignatius of Loyola
So here’s to taking big steps in my life, trusting God, and putting His will before mine.
Peace and Love,